The Holy Family's Values

Sermon, February 6, 2000

Text: Luke 2:21-42

During this political season, as in political seasons of the recent past, you hear much about "family values." I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm happy to see attention given to high standards and moral values in the political arena; but I am not all that comfortable to see the word "family" used as an adjective to describe these values. As if values of integrity, loyalty, honesty, commitment, self sacrifice, faithfulness, fidelity and so on are somehow limited to those living at home with their family! These are values worthy of attainment by all, not just "family" people. The label is not entirely misleading, in that honesty, integrity, fidelity, etc. are values that are primarily forged in the crucible of the family; if they aren't formed there, they are next to impossible to acquire elsewhere. Note that the title of the sermon is the "Holy Family's Values;" it is not "Holy Family Values." Please turn to Luke 2; let us look at some of the circumstances of this special family: We know that they knew poverty; the sacrifice mentioned in verse 24 is the sacrifice permitted for a family which does not have the means to own a single lamb (see the footnote referencing Lev. 12:8). Note that the values exemplified by these people were not influenced negatively by personal poverty or a "poor economy." They also knew misunderstanding. Mary gave birth before their marriage, and who would believe their story? Even Joseph himself didn't believe his betrothed until was visited by an angel. More than likely this family knew the ostracism, the censure, of a religious community. This did not seem to adversely affect their values, either. They also knew hardship and inconvenience and danger and vulnerability...due to the dictates of a tyrannical government, they had to travel some eighty miles for this census while Mary is on the verge of giving birth; and soon after the birth they had to flee for their lives over one hundred miles to Egypt. They also knew grief; Mary and Joseph lived under the shadow of a sword. It was certainly a mixed blessing to run into old Simeon; encouraging and affirming as his words were, I'm sure his closing prophetic comments cast a black pall over the scene for these new parents: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against... And a sword will pierce your own soul too." Again, poverty, misunderstanding, hardship and even grief seems not to have adversely affected their values.

With all that said, what are some of the values exemplified by this family? Ladies first...let's look at Mary. It is important to remember that God's entry into the world came in the form of unanticipated pregnancy, which shattered the respectable, reasonable dreams of this young woman who was betrothed to this respectable young man. We might think of the difficulty of the virgin birth as a theological or scientific difficulty. It was, however, first and foremost a personal difficulty, a difficulty of receiving something one had not planned on receiving. The visit of the angel Gabriel carried an element of shock as well as surprise. This new life conceived in Mary was going to change everything; it was going to radically upset Mary's dreams and plans. Mary's character and values can be summed up quite succinctly in Luke 1:38, after Gabriel gave her the news: "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." If you'll permit a little literary license, she replied in so many words, "If God intends to bring His Son into the world through me, then so be it. No matter how I may be inconvenienced, no matter how difficult it may be, no matter how it might change my plans, my dreams, my hopes, no matter how it may affect my relationship with my betrothed, my friends, my family...I am the Lord's servant."

Families need women (and our world needs people) like Mary, women who can say unequivocally "I am the Lord's servant." I want to say this carefully, so as not to be misunderstood, but confusion comes to families from a mother's misdirected devotion, the misdirection of devotion that comes from a woman who wants to be a servant to herself ("MY needs first and foremost; I have to serve ME first, I gotta be ME!"). Confusion also comes to families from the misdirection of devotion that comes from a woman who only wants to be a servant to her husband ("HIS needs first and foremost, HE must be happy at all costs!"). Confusion also comes to families from the misdirection of devotion that comes from a woman who only wants to be a servant to her children...(kids need parents, not servants). Don't misunderstand me; all three of this motivations have good intentions and honorable aims; however, God calls women (and men, for that matter) to be His servants, first and foremost. In the spirit of Mary, we are to serve and obey and honor God no matter how we may be inconvenienced, no matter how it might change our plans, our dreams, our hopes, no matter how it may affect our relationships with those we love. As we faithfully do so, these other priorities will fall into their proper places.

And now Joseph. Please turn to Matthew 1:18-19, a passage normally read during Advent. Here, Mary was betrothed to Joseph. In Jewish society of that day, betrothal was a commitment that fell somewhere between our modern commitments of engagement and marriage. A betrothal was more binding than an engagement; it could only be broken with an act of divorce. As you can see in verse 19, a betrothed man is referred to already as a husband; the marriage itself would take place when the groom ceremoniously took the bride home. If a betrothed woman became pregnant, she was regarded as an adulteress; the first "suspect" was usually the fiancé. As Matthew records, Mary was "found to be with child" before marriage, before she and Joseph came together. Being a man of principle, being a righteous man, a just man, a man who may be concerned with his and his family's good name and reputation, Joseph resolved to have the marriage contract quietly put aside. These few words tell us volumes about Joseph.

He was just and principled, but his justice and principle was tempered by love and compassion. He was unwilling to shame the woman he loved; he was unwilling to broadcast Mary's perceived shortcomings and indiscretions to the public. There were two ways in which a man could seek a divorce back then...one was to go to court, making a very public spectacle of the situation; and the other was to simply hand the woman a bill of divorce quietly, in the presence of two witnesses. The first way would definitely clear Joseph's name, but it would publicly humiliate Mary...unless Gabriel chose to show up on the witness stand, she would be ridiculed, she would be publicly shamed. Joseph was unwilling to put the woman he loved through that ordeal. He would take no delight in publicly exposing his wife's faults, her shortcomings, her failures. I'm always saddened when husbands or wives take delight in publicly pointing out each other's faults, shortcomings, or failures ... even in so-called jest or "humorous" sarcasm. If one really loved someone else, it would seem that he or she would be extremely reluctant to hold the other up to public ridicule or embarrassment. Reading between the lines, it would seem that this principled, honorable man loved Mary very, very much. Even though it would seem that she had committed a tragic mistake or even a treacherous act, even though he ran the risk of having his good name besmirched, he would not hold her up to public ridicule. His sense of goodness was tempered by mercy ... mercy for this one he dearly loved. He would not make a public spectacle of her. He was just and principled, but his justice and principle was tempered by love and compassion. He was righteous, but he was not self-righteous. He was firm, but gentle. And he was quiet, he did not fly off the handle like a jealous, berserk husband.

A wife needs a husband very much like Joseph...a man who is firm, yes; but gentle at the same time. A principled man, yes, but not a man that is so principled, so black and white, that he becomes hard, cold and doctrinaire, becoming almost like a god himself. A wife can't live with that kind of husband very happily, although she may try. A righteous man, yes, but not a self-righteous man who proudly lords his morality, his "goodness," over others. Joseph had every right to "put her away," but he did not do so with the sense of "Mary, how could you? Get out of my sight. Look, everybody, at what this deranged immoral woman has done! Of course I'm justified in divorcing her." No. He did what he did, or what he thought he would do, out of a sense of loving compassion for the woman to whom he was betrothed. He loved her too much to shame her publicly. Our families need men and our world needs people who have a strong sense of right and good, but whose sense of justice is tempered by a sense of compassion, understanding, love and mercy. Joseph was righteous, but he was not self righteous. Our families need men and our world needs people who seek with all their hearts to be righteous and good; but we don't need people who are so conscious of being "better" than others, so proud of their own goodness that they convey contempt to their spouse, children or others who don't "measure up." Joseph was quiet and calm. He did not turn into a spiteful, accusing martyr when he perceived he was wronged, he did not fly off the handle in rage. People who are truly just, truly good, truly righteous and principled tend to remain quietly calm when wronged, reacting rationally, slowly and only after much thought. When tempers explode, situations are always, always worsened. And finally, like Mary, Joseph listened to and heeded the call of God, obeying God no matter what the personal cost might be. And he became father to Jesus. Joseph was to marry Mary. His job was to prepare and maintain a home in which the Son of God would be welcomed, a home in which the Son of God could comfortably dwell.

Now, in the little time remaining, let's turn our attention to the child Jesus himself. In the latter part of Luke 2, the rattled parents find that they have "lost" their young son. They run back to the city and frantically look everywhere for him, and finally locate him in the Temple. Verse 48: "His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you." "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" Now, Jesus was not some testy adolescent giving a condescending question to his know-nothing mom and dad. He was not being snide or sarcastic. He had to be about his Father's house, here was the beginning of things for him. But note that this loving and deferential son went back to Nazareth with his earthly parents, and as verse 51 underscores, he was obedient to them. This same Jesus, this one who was later to have the sea and the storm obey Him, this one who had all authority on heaven and on earth, this same Jesus went back to Nazareth as a boy and was obedient to his parents. Young people, you can do no better than in the spirit of Christ to: (1) realize that God has ordained your parents authority, just as He set Mary and Joseph in authority over Jesus; and (2) be obedient to your parents just as Jesus was obedient to His. His parents were not always right...and they certainly didn't always understand him...but Jesus was obedient anyway as a loving and faithful son. All of us can learn from our Lord's example that he was obedient to this earthly authority ordained by God for his protection and upbringing, that he honored the fifth commandment. And all of us can learn from this holy family's example more of what it means to be the people God intends us to be.